Feelings aren’t negative, thoughts are.
One thing I have a problem with, is people labeling feelings as positive and negative.
In NLP, you release negative emotions in Time Line Therapy ® but I’d like to change the way we talk about feelings.
All feelings have a place, and no feelings are negative or positive, good or bad, right or wrong. They all tell us something, provide us feedback and help us to make choices.
If we are walking towards danger, we feel fear, it tells us to run away, and get to a safe place. How then is that fear negative? In this case fear is keeping us safe.
In the beginning of a relationship the “chemistry” is strong and we love how it feels, as the relationship goes on and we learn more about each other this initial “lust” changes to something else, but many people build resentment in their relationships hoping to get that original feeling back. Damaging your relationship for a certain feeling, doesn’t seem positive does it?
I like to refer to feelings as light or heavy. Some feelings feel light and they tell us we are moving in the direction of alignment and purpose. Some feelings feel heavy and they tell us that we need to pay attention and make a choice or change.
Feelings are guides, signals, messages, we need to feel all of them, and listen to all of them. Labeling only makes us want to avoid some and chase others. This is not helping us to reach our full potential. Its holding us back.
It’s our thoughts that are positive or negative. We give meaning to things depending on our experience, and the filter with which see ourselves.
You can be sad and have positive thoughts. A relationship could end and one person could feel sadness that it’s over and still feel positive that they’re on the right path and feel love and acceptance for themselves, knowing that the relationship ended for a reason. The other person could feel sadness, and make that mean, there is something wrong with them, they are unlovable, the other person is a bad person, there is no hope, love is too hard and more. You see it’s not the sad feeling that is negative it is the thoughts and meaning that one person gives that feeling.
If you were to say I feel _______________ because __________________; I feel angry because my kids left mess in the lounge room, it’s not the mess that’s making you angry, it’s the meaning you’re giving the mess.
Change this to, I feel angry because I perceive that mess means I have to clean it up and my kids don’t care about how much I do for them.
It’s probably not true that your kids don’t care, it’s just that they see mess differently to you and it’s not high on their priority list to be clean up, they’ve got more important things to do, like video games, homework, talking to friends, playing sport etc.
The anger isn’t a negative feeling, its a heavy feeling that’s signaling to you, that you’d like the mess cleaned up, that’s all. The thoughts and meaning you gave to that feeling is the negative part, the sooner you can let go of the judgement and negative thoughts, the easier it is for you to have more ease and joy in your day.
This is what I call finding your happy place, and this happens when you can change the filters through which you view yourself and the world, but that’s a whole other blog.
For now, start looking at your feelings as signals or messages and checking in on your thoughts and the meaning you give to things, you might just realise there are easier ways to get through your day.
No Comment