These days, I wake up almost every morning feeling positive. I say some gratitude, my morning mantra – all of life comes to me with ease, joy and glory and I think New day, New possibilities. What can I do and be now?

Optimism doesn’t come naturally to me, I wasn’t taught it by my parents or at school. But I think everything I don’t know is something I have yet to learn.

A few short years ago I’d get up and exercise, meditate, shower and then get my son up. Quickly my happy positive feelings would start to fade.

Before long he would be yelling and crying 😢 he didn’t want to get ready, he didn’t want to go to school, he hated me, he hated himself, he wished he wasn’t alive anymore 😔 These are common things kids say, and we as parents get triggered by them, which actually makes them worse.

We would both end up yelling and in tears and I would take him to school with the heaviest feeling in my heart and the weight of guilt on my shoulders. I’d be so frustrated that I was failing as a parent, that he couldn’t just ‘be happy’ and that I couldn’t make it better. I was judging both of us, and it made us both feel like we weren’t good enough.

I asked myself some questions.

What could I do to make mornings better?

What does he need to feel better about himself and about school?

What was I doing that was contributing to the morning madness?

1. What about food?

What did I already know? How had I helped myself? I knew that food had been a huge influence on my moods a couple of years earlier so I decided to look at what my son was eating too.

We began eliminating potato, dairy, corn and gluten and experimenting with his diet. Things began to change quickly. The ‘depression’ he was feeling started to lift and I could see glimpses of my bubbly toddler again.

2. He needed Connection.

I started giving him a cuddle and singing a song when he first woke up just like I did when he was little. Physical affection is one of the ways that all people communicate and my son just wanted to be noticed.

3. Expectations and time to think.

I created a visual routine for him to follow so I wasn’t constantly calling out instructions to him of what to do next. He was allowed to make choices and be responsible for himself, it also gave him more quiet in the morning without my voice constantly calling out.

4. My opinions make an impact.

I changed the way I spoke about school. I stopped being negative about his teacher and how useless she was. I started talking about school with a positivity I’ve never used before. There are a lot of things I don’t like about the school system and as I said optimism doesn’t come naturally to me.

I started asking different questions and stopped trying to give all the answers. My son wanted to be seen and heard and even more than that he wanted to be understood. By asking different questions and allowing him to work things out, I was able to give him all of these.

5. Process praise and focus

I gave my son hugs for every task he completed. Instead of focusing on all the things he hadn’t done yet, I gave all of my attention to the things he had done. Nothing beats positive attention and process praise to encourage children to put in more effort.

Easy mornings.

Mornings for us now flow with ease. We both get ready and we chat and laugh and often we even get to play a little. My son still has a list of his jobs that he needs to do and as he gets older he combines them with things he loves like drawing, reading and chatting to friends.

Every now and then the morning involves a raised voice or tears but we both know how to handle it and turn it around quickly. We accept that not every day is going to go smoothly and things like sleep, food, other people, and events can affect the way either of us are feeling and reacting.

We’ve added other tools to his tool belt to help with his positive mindset and attitude and every day we support each other.

Client feedback.

We can not thank Lucy enough. We came to Lucy seeking guidance and opinions for our little one who struggled with emotional regulation, erratic behaviour and sleep disturbances. After just one visit we saw a different child. After a few visits we now have a happy, healthy little boy who is getting very good at knowing his emotions, how his body feels and he sleeps through the night. Thanks Lucy for helping our little boy and our family. – Melissa

If your family are looking to improve health, happiness or harmony, make sure you give me a call. BOOK HERE for a free chat. 🙂